Cultivating Resilience: The Art of Taking in the Good.

Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

This morning I was on my regular early morning walk ruminating over the frustration I felt at my youngest for 'not listening' to me and swimming in a freezing cold pool a couple of nights ago, then eating 3 pieces of cheesecake - despite the fact that he had a sore throat the day before. In our household the rule is 'no sugar' when the immune system is working on eliminating a virus/bug for 3-4 days, to let the immune system do its job. But of course, 9yr olds know best (not) and he did what he wanted to do whilst I wasn't watching.

And of course, as Mum's always know best, as expected he is now sick. As a solo mum this means that there is an impact on my day and my ability to meet my responsibilities.

As I was walking in the local parklands this morning, whilst he was home feeling miserable with lemon and ginger tea, I found myself going over and over the conversation I'd had with him (and the conversation I wanted to keep having with him)about the importance of listening to mum and just how much his actions have now affected me...   not only did I have to cancel clients, but I was also going to miss out on an evening at the theatre, which is a rare treat. I was furious.

My head and my body were full of tension, my heart racing, my blood boiling and suffice to say my walk was not proving to be much fun. 

Though feeling our feelings is something that I encourage and facilitate in my work with clients, it is also important to note that sometimes we create additional suffering in our lives by letting the mind run wild during difficult times. The brain has a natural bias towards focusing on what is ‘negative’ (aptly called the negativity bias) and left unchecked can make something relatively small into a mountain.

Fortunately today, I gave myself some time to feel and process the frustration and anger of the morning, then remembered a practice that has served me well over the many years of single parenting two young boys. A practice that helps me come back to myself when their choices sometimes knock me off my perch. We all know that parenting is hard at the best of times, even when there are two parents.. when there is only one, the challenges can be tougher, and it is so important to have resources to draw on to help us come back to centre.

Today I leaned on a practice I learned in my training with Rick Hanson, called 'taking in the good' - a key part of encouraging positive neuroplasticity, or priming the brain for anchoring in beneficial experiences. It involves noticing a simple beneficial experience (like the sun on my face, the warmth of a blanket, the feeling of holding a cup of tea) and marinating in this feeling for 20 seconds. Just 20 seconds. So simple, and so profoundly valuable when used consistently. This 20 second burst creates new neural pathways in the brain that over time wire the brain to focus attention on what is already good.

Pretty cool if you ask me. 

Most people will say this is the art of practicing ‘gratitude’, and in many ways it is, but I share this with you to illustrate that there is in fact science behind this, and when we understand the science (or the ‘why’) behind something, we are more likely to implement it as a strategy.

When I realised just how much I was creating additional suffering for myself by ruminating, I moved my attention to the warmth of the sun on my face, to the colours of trees and plants, to the sounds of the birds, the smell of the freshly cut grass..... and in less than a minute my tension and frustration dissolved, I was present with the beauty around me, in my body, in the moment, and felt really good. The situation didn't change, I am still disappointed and missing out on my evening plans tonight, but the rest of my day has actually been beautiful so far.

The mind has such a profound tendency towards the negative, and we have so much power to reframe and redirect the attention of our minds in a single heartbeat. We just have to be willing to let go of the story we are running in our heads, and whatever perceived benefits we get from running it. This morning my story was 'making me right' and my boy wrong. But it was also making me feel like ****, so I remembered to let it go, and focus on taking in the good.

I'm super grateful for all the practice I've put in over the years, anchoring in practices that remind me that life is good right now. It makes it much easier to flip the switch in the moment. 

So much of the stress we experience in our lives comes from letting the mind run wild. Moments of frustration and disappointment can easily spiral into unnecessary suffering if we allow our mind to dwell or swim in them. However, we have the power to shift our focus and cultivate positive experiences, even in challenging times.

Practices like "taking in the good" can help us reframe our thoughts, anchor ourselves in the present moment and nourish ourselves during times of hardship. By making it a habit to notice and appreciate the simple joys around us, not only can we can create new neural pathways that encourage a more positive overall outlook on life, but we also minimise the damage that unnecessary stress can create in the bodymind system.

While we can't always control external circumstances, we can control how we respond to them.

As you move into your day today, remember to pause, take in the good, and find moments of beauty and joy amidst the challenges. This simple practice can have a profound impact on your well-being and emotional resilience, setting a foundation for you to ride the storms of life with a little more grace and ease.

And if you are needing support on your journey and the time is right to reach out, connect with me for a free 30 minute connection chat.

I’d love to hear from you.

Maraya x